: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
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Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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