This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
