I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize