Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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