Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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