I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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