I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
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You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
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He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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