Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
