i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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