You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
