Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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