Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you never un-have a 4some
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
