god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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