So drunk, too bad you don't want this
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
