My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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