Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
