The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
