so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
