how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
