rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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