And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
