how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
