i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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