My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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