if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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