Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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