Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
