my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
