My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
