I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
