They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
