You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Someone came in the potted fern
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
