I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
