you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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