you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
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i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We're too hungover to prance.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho