fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
