I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
