my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.