I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I will be naked everywhere
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT