the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
