So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
