i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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