I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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