I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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