both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize