he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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