I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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