I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
