i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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