I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
