So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize