we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
