Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have aggressive nipples.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
