sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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