Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
