Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
