Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
