She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This baby is an asshole
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
