FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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