how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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