Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My life is pants optional.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
