1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
