I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Green mimosas i think yes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
