the condom got lost in my hair
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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