Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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