My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
