That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I need a beard to bite.
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