I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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