so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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