woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
