note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
